by Lev Raphael
Nobody tells you that when you publish a book, it becomes a license for total strangers to say outrageous things to you that you could never imagine saying to anyone.
I’m not just talking about people who’ve actually bought your book. Even people who haven’t read your book feel encouraged to share, in the spirit of helpfulness.
At first, when you’re on tour, it’s surprising, then tiring — but eventually it’s funny, and sometimes it even gives you material for your next book. All the comments on this list have been offered to me or other writer friends in almost exactly these words:
“I liked your book, but I hated the ending.”
“Your characters shouldn’t be so nice.”
“Your characters should be more likable.”
“You need more sex in your books.”
“There was too much sex in your book.”
“The book doesn’t make sense unless there’s a sequel.”
“You used too many words I had to look up.”
“Too bad you’re not better known.”
“It was fun but it’ll never sell.”
“My bookstore doesn’t carry any of your books.”
“I found some typos in your book — you should fix that.”
“I’d like you to write my book.”
“Ewww. What’s up with that cover?”
“Can you tell your agent about me?”
“You have a way with words.”
“Your stories are too short. Did they leave something out at the factory?”
“You need to put a nice lesbian in your next book.”
“I have a 2,000 page manuscript, I think you’d really enjoy editing it for me.”
Guest post contributed by Lev Raphael. Lev is the author of Writer’s Block is Bunk and 24 other books in genres from memoir to mystery which you can find at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Check out more of Lev’s work on his blog, Writing Across Genres.
“You wrote a book? I should write a book.”
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Yep, LOVE this. Probably over half the people I talk to spout this one.
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Cause it’s THAT easy, right?
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“I’ve always wanted to write a book.”
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The two favorite ones I had said to me: “Please autograph it. After you’re dead it’ll be worth much more.”
and “You’re so lucky to have written these books.”
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Reblogged this on Sharon E. Cathcart and commented:
I’ve had a few of these myself, but my favorite remains “This book had too many horse words in it” … in reference to a book whose protagonist was an equestrienne.
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One of my “favorites” from years ago: “You should write real fiction novels instead of this made-up stuff.”
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Reblogged this on Kim's Author Support Blog.
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Thanks for re-posting.
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“How much do they pay you to do that?”
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Reblogged this on Words Can Inspire the World.
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Some of those were hilarious. Thanks for the chuckle.
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They get funnier over time, thankfully….
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You’re welcome. 🙂
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Thanks for sharing!
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Reblogged this on Cynthia Hilston – Author.
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Thanks for re-posting.
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
Use the comments under the original blog post, to let Lev and Ryan know of anything said to YOU – and enjoy reading the other comments as well 👍😄
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Thanks for re-posting.
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Welcome, Lev – great post 😀
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I liked the list. A few people have made comments to me about not being well known.
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So rude, isn’t it?
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One of the first on my first of many book tours: “What does your book have to say to women?”
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Commenting on my time travel novel: “Well, that’s impossible – you can’t go back in time.”
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Reblogged this on My Writing Blog and commented:
Very funny!
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Thanks!
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“Your dog should write a book…”
Look, she already sells more than any of my books and gets all the fanmail…. 😉
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LOL! Loved that last one. Sure, a 2,000 word edit. I’ll get right on that 🙂
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Reblogged this on Nesie's Place and commented:
And…”No, what’s your REAL job?” 😀
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“Why don’t you write something your family could be proud of?” or “Well, sure it’s a fun hobby, but not very lucrative.” – That last one was said by the guy at H&R Block, you know the one hoping I’ll come back next year? Heh
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That 2000 page manuscript sounds interesting. If you don’t want to edit it, I will. I have no life.
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“You wrote a novel? Fiction or non-fiction?”
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Wow, some of those comments are unbelievable, you must have the patience of Job!
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“Too bad you’re not better known?” Who says this stuff? Sheesh.
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I often get ‘Would your publisher like to publish me?’ (having never read any of their work) and ‘Have you thought about writing erotica?’ (obviously never read any of my work)
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I wrote a book about a teenage girl and a reader said she was too angry and disrespectful. I laughed. What teenager is not angry and disrespectful about something? They are still learning. Laughter works for me. People like that are clueless most of the time. A lot of folks cannot even craft a letter. Enjoy the day.
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‘Don’t make me have to look things up.’ A book reviewer said that to me after she (kindly) didn’t write said review.
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Reblogged this on quirkywritingcorner.
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I have seen so many ‘on-tilt’ book reviews/comments the past three years as an editor and a self-publisher. Some range from the bizarre to the completely ridiculous! The best response is to forge ahead with an even better publication next time around! So many comments are non-specific and are highly questionable as to their very intent. Thanks for the chuckles here!
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Thanks to everyone who re-posted. This is just scratching the surface. Before I ever starting publishing, someone said, “Don’t you think there are enough books out there already?” I count that as the start of my career. 🙂
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Reblogging this.
And you can’t forget, “But what’s your REAL job?”
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Reblogged this on D. Thomas Clark and commented:
I plan on doing one of these on my own before too long. But for now, here’s just a smidge of what us Bookfolk go through.
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Thanks for sharing!
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Hilarious!! Thanks for sharing great to laugh on a Monday night 😀 I’ve heard, “,She’s not here? Oh what a shame, I really wanted to talk to her about my life story, I want her to write my biography.” (Someone I have not seen for about twenty years…)
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