Stop Shoulding on Yourself

sidewalk-line-shoulding

 

by The Novel Mom

Once upon a Grad-School I had a great professor who, at the time, everyone half-discounted because we all thought was “out there and wacky”-as professors can sometimes seem. Most likely because they are alternating between over-caffeinated and slightly drunk to be able to deal with generally impudent and overconfident grad students everyday. (Side Note: I wasn’t one of those…I was in the “vacillates between over-caffeinated and slightly (ok, moderately) drunk boat” through grad school myself)

However, in the clarity that hindsight undoubtedly provides, I realized he was actually borderline genius. Among the many wisdom-bombs he dropped on us during our two-year stint, the one that has stuck with me the most is the phrase “Don’t Should on Yourself.”

It was meant as a word of caution, a way to communicate that it is all too easy and all too common for people to second guess themselves prior to/while doing something or berate themselves after. You can, of course, do this in any aspect of your life, which I unfortunately have a history of doing. Here are some shining examples of how this can manifest in the life of a “shoulding” writer:

 “I know I already have characters and a plot for this story, but what if I SHOULD go in a different direction? Maybe I SHOULDN’T set story here…I SHOULD probably change that. Then change the characters. I SHOULD probably just start over. “(Result: sitting at your computer,not writing anything, yet simultaneously feeling like you suck at writing.)

” Wow, that book was awesome, I SHOULD have thought of that plot!” (Result: Feeling bad about yourself because you “aren’t as creative as Author X”, then contemplating what changes to make to your story instead of actually writing something.)

I am going to be honest, I’ve had plenty of times in my life where I “shoulded” and “what-if’d” myself into borderline-paralyzing indecision. (Just ask anyone who has gone out to eat with me a few times-WHAT IF I ORDER THE PASTA BUT WISHED I ORDERED THE CHICKEN?!) I’ve also spent a good part of the last two and a half years, since deciding to write this novel, over-analyzing and over-thinking everything from character traits to story arcs. Guess where that has gotten me? Partially finished chapters, hours of ‘as-you-go editing’, and tons of totally unrelated story ideas for books that “might be a better idea than this one.” I HAS NO NOVEL.

So this blog post is a declaration. A declaration that I’m going to work on changing my shoulding ways. I’m going to recognize when I have a shouldy thought, and i’m going to make the conscious effort to let it go. You should to. You should catch yourself when you mentally note a “should-have” or a “what-if”that comes along and say, “Not today, brain!” Make the decision to not allow the planting of those self-doubt seeds. Don’t allow anticipatory regret (or actual regret) to take up residence up there. Do your best. Make the best decisions you can in the moment with the information you have. Sit down and just write (i’m talking to you, me)- worry about the editing and perfecting later. So don’t let the shoulding thoughts eat your brain. Brain eating is for zombies. Go write about zombies…you’re welcome.

 

 

 

 

Guest post contributed by The Novel Mom, who is a professional, a wife, a mom of two little girls, and a writer who is chronicling her attempt to balance it all while on her journey to become a published fiction author. She hopes to help and inspire other writers by merging her professional insights into psychology, her sometimes unprofessional brand of humor, and her honest depiction of the struggles that writers can face. 

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26 thoughts on “Stop Shoulding on Yourself”

  1. Thanks for bringing up such an important topic. I know I get caught up in the “should have” game. I play it too much to count. It needs to stop. I need to have confidence in myself. So what someone’s better than me in writing? I have my own journey. I have my own style. I don’t need to follow anyone else because his journey is different from mine. I know this. I need to reaffirm myself that I am a writer and no one can take that away from me.

    Liked by 2 people

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