by Daniella Levy
You know what’s worse than getting a rejection?
Waiting for a rejection.
Okay, maybe not worse. But it’s really hard. Especially when it’s a very long wait, and especially when the stakes are high. I have had five full manuscript requests from agents in my life. The wait between the request and the rejection is nothing less than harrowing… and it lasts. for. ever.
What do you do with yourself? How do you not sit there staring at your inbox, chewing your nails, for 2-3 months straight?
This post is a collection of strategies I’ve discovered. Please share your strategies below!
1) Let Yourself Dream
I know this may go against the common wisdom–“don’t get your hopes up”–and I’ve mentioned before that I have a bone to pick with that “wisdom.” But I’m not talking about your expectations from reality. I’m talking about letting yourself fantasize about the outcome you wish for.
“But…!” I hear you protest. “I’m a Real Adult! I can’t spend my life in Lalaland dreaming about fame and glory!”
No, but you certainly can–and maybe even should–spend part of your life in Lalaland.
Fantasy can be a powerful coping mechanism. It has its dangers, yes. But being that you’re a Real Adult, you probably differentiate rather well between fantasy and reality. If you’re a creative person, you probably have a vivid imagination, and you probably fantasize about achieving your dreams already. Contrary to what you may have been told, this is a Good Thing. I’ll show you why.
Close your eyes and imagine your phone rings. On the other end is someone giving you the best news you could possibly hear right now. Really picture this carefully; imagine their voice, the feel of the phone against your ear, and really hear the words and let yourself react naturally to what you hear.
How do you feel?
Probably flooded with excitement. You may feel a tingling in your limbs and your heart pounding. Even though the situation you’re imagining isn’t real, the excitement is.
Science tells us that experiences that take place only in our minds can have the same or very similar effects on our brains as the real thing happening. Martial artists who practice kata (forms) in their minds actually improve their technique. And if there’s a decent chance that what you’re going to experience when you get a response to that submission is the disappointment and sadness of a “no”… why not give yourself a chance to experience the excitement and joy of a “yes,” even if it’s only in your imagination?
If all you experience from submission is disappointment and pain, you’re likely to burn out fast. Who wouldn’t? Who wants to constantly subject themselves to disappointment and pain?
But if you make the excitement and hope part and parcel with the experience of submission, you are much more likely to keep at it.
(For more on this topic, see Your Visa to Lalaland: How Fantasy Can Help You Cope with Real Life)
2) Create Something New!
This is a pretty common recommendation, and in this context, I think it’s a fairly good one. Obsessing over your submission is not going to influence the decision of whoever’s considering it. Might as well invest those energies in a new project and do what you love, right?
If you’re not feeling inspired, invest in what writer Amity Gaige calls “inspirational research” or what Julia Cameron calls “filling the well.” Read good fiction. Visit an art exhibit. Take a walk in nature. Listen to music you love. If you’re a writer, paint. If you’re a painter, write. Etc.
3) Keep ‘Em Rolling
I’ve read recommendations to send out query letters in batches of 6-8 queries and wait to hear back on them before the next batch. That way you can see what kind of responses you’re getting and adjust/revise your submission before submitting to more. Fairly practical advice.
The problem is, this makes your life a sickening emotional rollercoaster. You send out the submission. 6-8 weeks later you get a wave of rejections (or hopefully, requests to see more, or acceptances! But, sadly, most likely rejections). Then you send it out again. So you have a period of hope, followed by a period of disappointment, followed by a period of hope, and on and on…
When I was still actively seeking an agent, I had what I called a “query-a-week policy.” I sent at least one query letter each week. That way, when I got a rejection, I knew that I still had another few queries out there and wouldn’t have to wait a whole new “cycle” for a response. This maintains a steady level of hope.
And hope–if I haven’t emphasized this enough–is one of the biggest keys to resilience.
The “rolling submission” method doesn’t have the advantage of the “study groups” you get from submitting in batches. But you can still adjust your submission as you go.
I don’t know about other fields, but I know that literary magazines tend to have reading periods. There are lists and groups online where you can see current calls for submissions. Keep on top of those and try to submit on a regular basis. And if you’re feeling impatient about hearing back on a submission–go ahead and make another submission!
4) Pray or Meditate
You don’t have to be religious to engage in the practice of self-compassion and wishing yourself well. I’m a religious Jew, and when in doubt, I like to whip out my book of Psalms. But meditation is wonderful, too, and you can find excellent guided meditations on YouTube an other places on the web. For our purposes, I recommend finding one that focuses on inviting blessing and abundance into your life, or “metta” (loving-kindness) meditation, which involves cultivating compassion for yourself and others. Here’s one I found helpful while I was waiting to hear back on a full manuscript request.
Part of what’s so difficult about waiting is that it is so passive. You’re waiting for something to happen and there’s nothing you can do to make it happen faster! But praying or otherwise wishing yourself well helps you move from that sense of passivity to a sense of activity–doing something active to prepare yourself emotionally and spiritually for the outcome.
Daniella Levy is the author By Light of Hidden Candles (Kasva Press, 2017) and Letters to Josep: An Introduction to Judaism (Guiding Light Press, 2016). Her blog, The Rejection Survival Guide, explores the creative life and resilience in the face of rejection. She also blogs about Judaism and life in Israel at LetterstoJosep.com, and her articles, short fiction, and poetry have been published by Writer’s Digest, Reckoning, Newfound, Rathalla Review, arc (journal of the Israel Association of Writers in English), the Jewish Literary Journal, Silver Birch Press, and more. Learn more about her at Daniella-Levy.com.
strategy two is the one that i put into practice: ‘create something new’. as the saying goes, ‘writers write’. on and on we go, regardless 🙂 filling the well is good advice too. read good fiction. thanks for the reminders.
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Reblogged this on Kim's Musings.
Wonderfully put. I’ve been sending queries out in small batches, one or two every few days or weeks. Thanks for the suggestions on how to fill time while waiting.
If you’ve been doing this long enough, for decades, you become immune to the wait. There is only time. And time is yours. Read your rejections when you have a batch saved up in your file and get them out of your mind and thoughts as quickly as possible. Take notes if you feel something vital has been repeated or pointed out to you. Don’t dwell on it. Keep the long comment rejections if you wish, but those also take up memory in your device and serve no purpose. Instead of refreshing your inbox every 15 minutes, let it alone and get right back on that WIP. Finish your work. You’re a flesh and blood human when it concerns your writing and getting words down. Become a robot and toss those rejections and then revenge query. But get right back on that manuscript. If you start dwelling on anything negative pertaining the rejections, (And you will, you sensitive weed-hopper) it will stomp on your creativity and enthusiasm. If anybody tells you that you can’t right, grin and walk away. Get to work. Write like you’re dying, because you are.