As you can tell, I was pretty irate while writing this post and I’m not even published yet. (I have to say “I’m not even published yet” because I’m trying to be positive after writing this excessively salty post). Putting my personal vendettas aside, here is a comprehensive list of eleven things you should never say to a writer:
Can you make me a character in your book? Um no. A few years ago, a girl at my school asked me if she could be a character in my book and I named my villain after her. Don’t ask a writer if you can be in her book unless you want to become the bad guy.
Am I a character in your book? If you’re asking me this, it probably means you annoy me. So, yes, you probably are.
Can I have a free copy? Writing is a job. You wouldn’t ask a doctor for a free exam, so don’t ask a writer for a free book.
How much money do writers make? You have to be joking.
I have this amazing idea for a book and I think you should write it. Trust me, I’ve got enough ideas bouncing around my head to last a lifetime.
[Hate writing blurbs? I’ll do it for you. Check out my blurb writing service.]
Can I read your book? You can buy my book like the rest of the population. Until then, shoo.
I found a typo in your book. Great. Thanks for rubbing my errors in my face. As if my fear of publishing a subpar book and the corresponding anxiety weren’t enough.
No, like what do you actually do? Do you know how close I am to throwing an uncapped pen at your face right now?
I could be a writer too if I only had the time. Believe me, honey: we have no more time than you in the day. If you really want to write a book, stop talking to me and go write a book.
Your job is so easy. HA. Yeah, tell that to my sleep deprivation.
Why isn’t your book finished yet? You know, I’ve been asking myself the same question since I started the damn thing. Thanks for reminding me.
What else should you never say to a writer? Has anyone ever said these things to you?
This guest post was contributed by Annie Earnshaw. Annie is a student at Elon University, a writer, a blogger, and a self-proclaimed dog enthusiast. In addition to her chronic reading addiction, Annie is writing a young adult thriller novel about teenage spies (she’s certain that she was a spy in a former life). You can also follow Annie on Twitter.
Ryan Lanz 
I can understand your frustration, I am also unpublished. I am almost finished my first book. I just got started writing at age 73 and here are my answers to those questions.
Yes, you can be a character in my book. But, my book is a fictional story, so you might not like how I portray your character. I might even ask you to sign a release if I actually name you as a character.
Yes, you can have a free copy. Maybe even a signed copy!
Most writers don’t make that much money. Like most artists, most of them have side jobs. You should Google that information to get a better understanding.
I have lots of ideas for books, but let me hear yours anyway.
Wow, you found a typo. How would you like to be a bata reader for me?
What does a writer do? They write of course. Writers write about anything and everything. Textbooks, newspapers, training manuals, stories, blogs, movie scripts, and anything you can think of is usually written down at some time.
If you want to be a writer, you will make the time and then you will find that it is not as easy as you think.
My book isn’t published yet because I haven’t finished writing and editing it yet.
Since you think writing is so easy, go research the subject of editing and write me a 3,000 word essay on how to edit my book.
Now, I bet my last answer would stop any more stupid questions. Lol.
Final footnote. I almost went to Elon 56 years ago but ended up at Tusculum instead.
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Most people in my life don’t know I write books for all of the above reasons. They wouldn’t understand why I do it if they knew.
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If someone asked me if they could be a character in one of my stories, I would be all, “Ohhhh, honey. No. I put my characters through a lot of stuff. I’d rather not do that to you.”
As for this statement – “I have this amazing idea for a book and I think you should write it” – I’d tell them to try writing it themself. See where it goes. And if they follow that up with “Oh, if only I had the time…”, I’d shrug and say, “Write while you’re waiting at doctor’s appointments or waiting in checkout lines or before you go to bed or while you’re waiting for supper to finish cooking in the oven. There’s always a small bit of time you could take advantage of.
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All the time people ask if they are in my stories or they think they know who someone is. Trying to explain that creativity doesn’t work that way — what they’re thinking of is more like gossip than development —
is useless.
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Yes, most folks really don’t understand what it means to write a blog, forget about a book. Most times they mean well and when they don’t, oh, yes, there is always getting back at them by making them a villain or victim. Ha ha.
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Love these, I work on my blog with short pieces most of the time and have thought about taking those ideas and turning it into a book of short stories and have only told a very small group of people about writing a book.
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Ha, yes. I’ve heard most of these before. Gotta love it. Nice list!
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After I had a story published in The Guardian, someone in my network said his first reaction was, ‘if she can do it, then so can I’, the subtext being that there was nothing special about my writing. I replied, ‘don’t let me stop you.’
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Someone asked for a free copy of my book when it is done. I told them they can read the first rough draft of online and let me know what they think and they said, “oh I could never read a book online.” 🙄
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I love this and can sooo relate. I’ve had short stories and poetry published but not my children’s books. I love the, ‘Would I have read you yet?’ my answer is usually, ‘I’m not sure. What type of literature do you read?’ and I’m yet to come up with a response to, ‘Oh it’s so nice you have a little hobby.’ Back to writing! Maybe there is a book in the kind of questions NOT to ask writers 😉
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A great topic. Many people do not fathom how one’s heart can be so tied to their work of art. It helps if we develop tougher shells, which I find difficult.
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All true. I have put people in my books then had to pretend it wasn’t them when they ask.
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Don’t be so prickly about typos. They happen to every writer in the business. There are no exceptions to that statement. Typos are not a big deal, nor are they a criticism of you or your publisher.
My twenty-fourth book comes out in March, and someone recently pointed out a typo in my second book. It’s been out for nine years, but the typo eluded me, my publisher, my beta readers, my proofreaders, and thousands of people who bought and read the book. This is the age of ebooks and print-on-demand books, when it’s easy to fix a typo and upload new files. So I thanked the person who reported the typo, fixed it, and uploaded the latest files. Now my book is just a little better than it was before.
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Sounds familiar!
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